Image by Summer Lyn Photography
Having a baby is life changing and they say that you never really can understand what that truly means until you experience it, and now I know why. Addison is 3 weeks old today and when I tell you that I've never smiled bigger, cried harder, loved deeper, or sunk lower during these 3 weeks than I have in the past 33 years, I am being 100% honest. As I sit here feeding her, while typing with one hand (which might be one of the most frustrating things to do), I can't remember if I peed yet today, and I also can't help but feel so incredibly blessed and lucky that she is in my life and that I get to be her mom. I look at her sweet face and lose myself in the happiness that she brings me, and when I see my husband with her, I fall in love with him all over again.
But, I would be lying if I told you that it has all been sunshine and daisies. The past 3 weeks have been HARD. I mean like really hard. Sometimes I cry uncontrollably. Other times I get so mad that I feel like I could pick up my bed and throw it out the window. And then there are times that I feel absolutely nothing at all - just an awful emptiness that won't go away. I sometimes feel like all I do is feed her, burp her, change her, change her again (she takes after her dad), and then start the cycle all over again without a minute in between.
They say it will get easier and I have to believe that. I know that the baby blues will go away at some point, along with the sleep deprivation, and that it will all be worth it. Soon the hard times will be nothing but a distant memory, and I'll be itching to have a second baby, thinking, "it wasn't THAT bad, right?" Yes. That is how life works, so I'm looking forward to that. In the meantime, I'll fight through the sleepless nights knowing that I brought a small miracle into the world, and then I'll drink my venti skim latte, and I'll enjoy every last drop. AND I'll dream about how wonderful it will be to help plan her wedding. I'm sure that she will grow up way too fast and that day will come way too soon, but I'll be there not only as an eager wedding planner, but also as a proud, totally in love momma.
I know there are lots of new moms out there experiencing similar highs and lows - please tell me that I'm not alone - I'd love to hear from you!
She is beautiful Adrienne! Congratulations mama!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing all of this with us, and for being so open about the first weeks. I'm not a mom, so I can't tell you firsthand that you're not alone- but you're not, I'm sure of that.
Thanks, Jenna - I struggled a bit with whether or not to post this, but I'm all about being open and honest, so I knew it wouldn't be right just to write about the good side - thanks for your support!
DeleteIsn't she the most adorable little thing!! Congratulations!!! xo
ReplyDeleteyou are so sweet, thank you!
Deletei love how honest you are about the joys and hardships that come along with being a new mommy. you are doing a wonderful job though! Addison has great parents! xo
ReplyDeleteThanks, Deirdre - that means a lot!!
DeleteYou are not alone at all!! I think it's hard for women to express their feelings during these happy/difficult times, but I surely was in the same boat as you. No amount of reading and advice could truly prepare me for what motherhood was all about. The experience of becoming a mom has changed me in a way I didn't know existed, and I know it will do the same for you. You are now officially a mom, and you have the support of TONS (especially me!) This experience of motherhood will make you this fearless woman who can take on the world, and will bring out things in yourself you didn't even know existed! It DOES get easier, those first 6 weeks seems will soon feel like a real distant memory, and before you know it, you are crazy enough to do it all over again. I love you A!!
ReplyDeleteLove you too, Steph! So well said, thanks so much for your love and support!
DeleteYou're not alone, Adrienne. Reading this brought tears to my eyes because I can vividly remember, even a year later, feeling the exact same way and I wish we lived closer so I could hug you and tell you that it most certainly will get easier. And before you know it you'll be wishing you could do it all over again because these early days fly by so fast and you're so sleep deprived that you hardly notice it happening.
ReplyDeleteThe baby blues are a fact of childbirth that people don't talk about enough, so then when it happens to us we are confused and sad and angry because WTH this is supposed to be the happiest, best thing EVER! :) But as they say, this too shall pass. Just accept what you're feeling as completely normal and know that you are not alone. Find moments for yourself (even if it means letting Addison sleep on the bathroom floor while you shower), and know that you have lots of friends who are here for you if you want to talk!
xoxoxoxoxox
this is Koster btw. :)
Deleteoh Jen, reading this brought tears to MY eyes! Thanks so much - you made me feel a ton better. Can't wait for you to meet her :)
DeleteWhat a great photo - congrats!
ReplyDeletethank you!!
DeleteWelcome to the world of motherhood. You hit the nail right on the head. But you will see how rewarding it all is when they grow up and become your friend as well as, your child. Can't wait to see you all again. Especially, my beautiful great niece. xoxo Aunt Roe
ReplyDeleteThanks, Aunt Roe! xoxo
DeleteMy dear Adrienne, please know you are never alone. I think about you, Paul and Addison every hour of every day. I am always here for you. Welcome to motherhood.
ReplyDeleteI love you!!
Mom
Thanks, Mom - boy do I appreciate you more than ever now that I'm a mom myself - love you too!
DeleteHow adorable!! Congrats to you and your new family!!
ReplyDelete