Image by Summer Lyn Photography
Having a baby is life changing and they say that you never really can understand what that truly means until you experience it, and now I know why. Addison is 3 weeks old today and when I tell you that I've never smiled bigger, cried harder, loved deeper, or sunk lower during these 3 weeks than I have in the past 33 years, I am being 100% honest. As I sit here feeding her, while typing with one hand (which might be one of the most frustrating things to do), I can't remember if I peed yet today, and I also can't help but feel so incredibly blessed and lucky that she is in my life and that I get to be her mom. I look at her sweet face and lose myself in the happiness that she brings me, and when I see my husband with her, I fall in love with him all over again.
But, I would be lying if I told you that it has all been sunshine and daisies. The past 3 weeks have been HARD. I mean like really hard. Sometimes I cry uncontrollably. Other times I get so mad that I feel like I could pick up my bed and throw it out the window. And then there are times that I feel absolutely nothing at all - just an awful emptiness that won't go away. I sometimes feel like all I do is feed her, burp her, change her, change her again (she takes after her dad), and then start the cycle all over again without a minute in between.
They say it will get easier and I have to believe that. I know that the baby blues will go away at some point, along with the sleep deprivation, and that it will all be worth it. Soon the hard times will be nothing but a distant memory, and I'll be itching to have a second baby, thinking, "it wasn't THAT bad, right?" Yes. That is how life works, so I'm looking forward to that. In the meantime, I'll fight through the sleepless nights knowing that I brought a small miracle into the world, and then I'll drink my venti skim latte, and I'll enjoy every last drop. AND I'll dream about how wonderful it will be to help plan her wedding. I'm sure that she will grow up way too fast and that day will come way too soon, but I'll be there not only as an eager wedding planner, but also as a proud, totally in love momma.
I know there are lots of new moms out there experiencing similar highs and lows - please tell me that I'm not alone - I'd love to hear from you!